Ok, maybe I'm the last on earth to get on board, but I recently joined Flickr. Flickr is a place to post and share your photos. On the right hand side of this page, you see a group of pictures from my flickr page. If you click on one you can go and view that picture along with the rest of them.
I will put more pictures up as soon as I can.
Four days after talking with the oncologist, I'm still not sure about what I want to do. The one thing I am sure of now is that I want to talk to at least one other doctor before proceeding. One thing that I have discovered is that there is a ton of information available which is great, but it seems a little overwhelming to sort it out.
The best resource I have found so far is Testicular Cancer Resource Center. There are a ton of people there survivors, spouses, children, parents, doctors and about any other person you could think of that has come in contact with TC. They have an email list you can join that when you send a message to that list, it goes to who knows how many thousands of people around the world. I have received several responses to questions that I have asked the group.
My plan this week is to find a doctor for a second opinion so that I will feel more comfortable with all of this. I don't know that I've ever felt as dumb as I do when I am trying to talk about this. Since I haven't had much need for medical stuff, I just do not know that much, so I have to ask lots of questions. I know that isn't dumb, and its great to ask and learn, but sometimes, it just seems like so much stuff!
We met with the oncologist today to discuss my treatment options. I can watch and monitor it which means CT scans & blood work every 3 months for the first year, then every 4, then every 6 for the next 5 years. Or I can have a surgery to remove the lymph nodes. The surgery will be pretty intense, and I'll probably miss about 6 weeks of work. I won't be able to do anything strenuous for 2 months after the surgery.
My wife and I are taking a few days to pray about this. I don't want to have surgery, but I also don't want to spend the next 5 years wondering if next time I go in, they'll find cancer and I have to have the surgery anyway.
For the last few weeks, its almost been like this never happened, but today, I was reminded of it all again. I'm committed to doing what it takes to get through this, but it is hard on me mentally right now. I'm distracted and have trouble when I need to focus. My mood swings, at times, wildly up and down. I know its a stress thing, but it just makes it really hard.
The thing I hate the most is that I am supposed to finish school in three weeks – something I've been looking forward to for 3 years. I have been so looking forward to spending time with my wife and our kids and actually getting to be the husband/dad that I want to be, and now this has come up and I may be spending a few months laying down, not doing a whole lot.
I always said that when I finished this degree, I wanted to rest. Working full time, having a family and going to school with a 2 hour round trip commute 3 times a week has worn me down. I didn't really have this in mind for a way to get rest. 
I am still positive and I know that God will help me, but there are just so many decisions to be made. I really do appreciate your prayers more than you know.
The FedEx/Kinko's merger isn't a new thing, but I wanted to talk about it. There is no doubt that FedEx is the bigger of the two names, but I really don't get why they felt the need to add FedEx to the Kinko's name when they bought Kinko's. As far as the quick print industry, Kinko's is the brand. I believe they have become synonymous with quick print. What about quick shipping makes you think printing?
This is in addition to the logo issues. Kinko's already an established identity. Fedex has a strong brand identity. They took the FedEx logo, dropped the Kinko's logo and look and added the little three part icon. I'm sure that the three part thing has a meaning and I'm sure they have a plan for where they are headed with the identity. My point is though, I don't think Kinko's needed FedEx to make them trustworthy. In fact, I think most people ignore the FedEx part.
People often talk about keeping it simple. In my opinion, they have complicated something that was simple, to the point and recognized.
I'm pretty much a fan of the computer and the internet. I remember when I first got on the internet and I was downloading at blistering 28.8 speeds, I thought it was pretty cool. Several years later when dial up died away and I moved to broadband it was even better. The internet is great because everything is basically at your fingertips.
I've discovered a new thing about my relationship with the internet though. I don't spend much time on the internet anymore. I still read articles from the internet, I still check websites, but I don't spend very much time at all on the internet.
I use RSS. More specifically, I use a program to read RSS feeds. What this does is allow me to "subscribe" to a site's RSS feed and when they post something on the site, it brings the information to me.
Right now, I probably have around 50 sites loaded in my reader. I don't read every one of them everyday, but I get around to them when I can. It keeps me from having to spend the time searching – trying to remember goofy domain names or just loading up a site. In a way, it has brought the internet to me. Its become my own personal internet.
There are words in life that change us. One of those words, and possibly one of the greatest is Cancer. That word, changes everything. As of just a few days ago, I was changed.
About a month ago, I developed a pain and went to the doctor. An ultrasound and CT scan revealed that I had a mass in one of my testicles. The tests indicated that there were no signs of Cancer, so we waited two weeks and went back for more tests. The tests showed that the mass had grown, so I needed to have surgery. That was just over a week ago.
After surgery, a biopsy was done on the mass and it was positive for Cancer. When I heard that, it was like everything was stopped for a minute. I don't think you can really know how you feel about something like that until it is directed at you. Its one thing when its someone's friend, but when its you – everything feels different for sure.
I'll be going to see an oncologist in a few weeks. I don't know what that means except that there will be some further treatments, surgeries or tests that I will go through and that is what we will be discussing.
The one thing that I do know is that I can get through this. With the help of God, my family and my own will, I know this. I will be a survivor, and this word, that has changed me, will be a change that makes me better.
I am a [relatively] smart, business minded guy with more than five years experience in design and marketing and I’m looking for a challenge.
April 23, 2006
8:46 pm
