One Year Ago Today

This is reposted from a message I sent to the Testicular Cancer Email group, but I wanted it here for posterity. One year ago today I thought everything was coming to an end. After two days of pain that came out of no where and a lot of testing, I was told that I had a mass inside my left testicle and that it was most likely cancer. If you are like me, growing up when you heard "Cancer" that was the kiss of death, or so it seemed. I remember thinking, "I'm 29, just had our second child, about to finish my second college degree – now is a heck of a time for this to happen." I cried a lot. I was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen or when it would happen. Two weeks later, I had my surgery. It was cancer, but appears to be the best case scenario for me. It was contained, no invasion, no elevated markers–nothing. Just a 2 by 4.5 cm mass of reality. That is how I see it. This has made me see the world differently. I appreciate things that I've overlooked before. I cherish every second that I spend with family and friends. I laugh more, I cry more, but above all, I enjoy life more. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I thank God everyday that it felt like someone kicked me in the nuts, otherwise, I wouldn't have gone to the doctor. I'm thankful that my case played out so well. In fact, I feel like I got off easy, at least compared to some of you. So if you don't mind, celebrate with me a little today. After a year, my tests are still clean and I'm doing very well. I would also ask that you think a good thought for those that have gone before us, the doctors that work to find answers and those that are in the trenches fighting for their lives. If that last one is you, don't you give up. You fight with everything you have. Stare it in the face and don't back down. And those of you that have fought and won, you inspire us, encourage us and give us hope. Thank you for that. A year ago, I thought life was ending. Today, I understand what living is really about.

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Life Thoughts

Its been a while since I have written about anything Cancer related.  I've been reflecting lately, on the wide range of emotions that I've been through this year – such happiness in January at the birth of our second child, such incredible lows after discovering Cancer in March to successful surgery and dealing with everything else in between.

Right now, its not too bad.  Sometimes I notice being a little careful with Los Lonely Boy. I had a headache yesterday, and I have to be honest, I start to think, "oh no is it?", and then I think about how happy I am to be alive and how much I love life and my family.

I think through all of this, I've lost some of the fear and worry that I once lived with.  Life is here to live and enjoy.  I don't want to just exist, I want to change the world.  I want to live with my family and laugh.  Cancer, well at least the thoughts of, still hang around though.  I believe that I'm completely clean, but its hard not to at least consider it sometimes.

I go back for my next round of tests in a few weeks.  I believe everything will be normal, but I think its the thing that there is the POSSIBILITY that it couldn't, that makes me think about it.  Its the fact that I have to get tested, and other people don't that makes it more of a reality.

I have my 30th birthday in a few months.  I'm working on some new business ideas and I'm having fun being a dad.  There's lots going on and lots more to look forward to.  I want to do everything I can to make sure, that I'm around to enjoy it.  I appreciate the many kind words and support that I've received from people I know and even many that I don't.  I think through all of this, I'm learning to appreciate everything, a lot more.

Blogged with Flock

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Back From Houston

Houston was a quick trip.  The doctors there reviewed all of my original tests, the follow ups, and we discussed my most recent tests which were all normal.

The doctor there said that choosing surgery for me, would be an unnecessary surgery.  He believes, as do I, that surveillance is best for me. We discussed the surveillance regimen and I will talk with my local doctor about it again as well.

Outside of him saying that I didn't have cancer after all, this was about as good of a visit as I could have had.  They were able to confirm everything that I know so far and give me their opinions on what I should do from here.

Thanks to everyone that has had me in their thoughts and prayers.  I appreciate it.

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Off To Houston

Its all set up now – I'll be heading to MD Anderson in Houston for a referral visit.  They said I should plan to be there for a few days as they review all of my stuff and run any tests that they may need.

I'm glad to do this as I think it will give me a little more certainty about all of this.  I'm still trying to get results from my last round of tests.  Apparently, I must need a Presidential signature to pull this off.  I'm going on the assumption that if there were anything bad, they would have called me by now.  Hopefully, I'll hear back from them today.

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Will Work for Food

Finally, school is over.  It has been a little over three years – three long years of late nights and early mornings.  I guess for me, working through school the first time wasn't challenging enough, so I added a wife and kids to the mix.

My final critiques went fairly well.  Some projects weren't as great, but in the end, they were finished and that was all I was concerned about.  I was talking with someone on Saturday and I said that the fall 05 semester just about killed me.  So when the spring semester started, I was glad.  I was glad because finally I would finish and get back to a normal life.  Little did I know what would happen.

The question of the day seems to be, "So what are you going to do now?"  Everyone wants to know where I'm going to work, what my plans are and what I want to do.  First, I want to get healthy – that's what I tell them.  To answer what they are really looking for, I'm not certain yet.  My goal is to resolve that by the end of the year.  At this point, I am really open to whatever seems to be the most beneficial for me and my family.  I don't know what that will mean, I just hope that I can see it when it comes along.

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Almost There

In eight days, I will be finished with school – again.  I am so ready to be done, but I have so much to do between now and then.  I know that everything will come together, but man, its stressful when I think about everything that will happen between now and then.

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